If your child loses a game, what would you say first?

"It's alright, try again next time."

"You did a great job this time."

"Do you know you can make further progress?"

The first question I asked was:

"What place?"

When a child finishes a competition, parents are often more nervous than the child. Once the results are out, we naturally want to know the ranking, score, and whether the child performed well or not.

But for children, the value of a competition is not just in the final ranking.

From preparation and practice to actually standing on the stage, he has gone through a complete challenge. Even if he doesn't get the result he expected in the end, this experience can still be the starting point for his next growth.

Don't ask "what place" first, you can ask these three things instead.

First: "Which part are you most satisfied with?"

The child might say, "I didn't play it wrong this time."

It could also simply be: "I finally dare to look the audience in the eye."

Or, he might find that the part he was most worried about turned out to be completed better than expected.

These seemingly small things are actually the child's own progress.

Parents don't necessarily need to define "what is good" for their children. Let children find what is worth praising themselves, and they will gradually learn to observe their own performance and begin to understand what changes effort can bring.

Second: "Were you nervous before going on stage? How did you ensure you performed well?"

Many children get nervous.

Facing an unfamiliar stage, audience, and judges for the first time, or even just sitting backstage waiting for their turn, can all put pressure on children.

But what children should truly remember isn't necessarily "Was I nervous?", but rather:

This experience may not appear on the report card, but it can give a child the confidence to face new challenges next time.

Third: "If you could do it all over again, what would you want to change?"

This question is more likely to get children to start thinking than "Why didn't you do well this time?"

Perhaps it's better to start preparing a little earlier.

It might be that a certain section needs to be practiced a few more times.

It could also be that they just want to be more relaxed next time they go on stage.

The key is not to immediately find out "where the mistake was", but to help children learn from an experience and find what they can do next.

The value of a competition goes beyond just the results sheet.

If every competition is judged solely on rankings, children can easily equate "winning" with "being valuable."

But for children who are growing up, a competition can actually bring them a lot.

• It was the first time I had ever stood on an unfamiliar stage in its entirety.
• To achieve a goal, I practiced diligently for several weeks in a row.
• It was the first time I realized that I could perform even when I was nervous.
• After hearing about the performances of the other contestants, I realized that I still have a lot to learn from them.
• Complete a challenge that you never thought you could do.

These experiences may not immediately translate into an award, but they will gradually accumulate into a child's ability to face challenges.

What parents can do is not to win for their children.

Parents will naturally be nervous when their children participate in competitions.

Parents hope their children will perform well and that their efforts will be recognized.

But what parents can truly give their children isn't necessarily "helping them win," but rather letting them know:

You can help him prepare, remind him to practice, and give him confidence before the competition.

After the competition ends, you can gradually shift your focus from the "result" back to the "process".

For example:

• "Which aspect do you think did the best this time?"
• "Have you ever felt really nervous?"
• "If you participate again next time, what would you like to do better?"

These questions offer children an opportunity to understand themselves, rather than simply asking "What's your ranking?"

If a child is truly disappointed, what can parents do?

Sometimes, when a child loses a game, what they need most isn't a grand philosophy.

If the child is disappointed, let him be disappointed for a while.

There's no need to rush to say "winning and losing is normal," nor to immediately tell him how he should improve next time.

A simple sentence:

Sometimes that's enough.

When children know that their disappointment is understood, they have more space to process their emotions and reflect on what they have learned from the experience.

After your child's next competition, try asking them this question.

One less question:

"What place?"

One more question:

"Do you feel you've improved this time compared to last time?"

Because what a child ultimately takes away shouldn't just be a ranking.

More importantly, he began to know how to deal with tension, how to accept the results, and how to find the next goal from an experience.

🏆 Competitions may involve winning and losing, but a child's growth should not be limited to winning and losing.

Give your child a real challenge opportunity

If a child already has some musical training, parents can also view a competition as a specific "midway checkpoint"—letting the child set goals for a real date and stage, prepare their work, and see how far they can go.

The GASCA 2026 Japan International Music Competition Winter Finals will be held April 21-12, 2026The preliminary round was held at the Shibuya Cultural Center Owada in Tokyo, Japan. Participants submitted their videos, which were then evaluated by judges. Those who won the preliminary round... 80 points or aboveThey can qualify for the finals.

The competition includes categories for piano, strings, wind instruments, and singing. The second round of registration for the winter competition is currently open. July 2026 to July 8, 1Each round has an independent quota.